Mightier Than the Sword

It had been a long trip, even in hyperspace. The trio of men of the survey team studied the planet in the viewscreen.

“Remarkably earthlike,” declared Frank as he completed the measurements: atmosphere, temperature, gravity, etc. Frank, an engineer by profession, was an adventurer at heart. His three main interests were women, women, and women, though not necessarily in that order. So what was he doing here? You see, he knew this girl once and … Well, it was a long story.

“All right, let’s take her down,” said John. John was a scientist — a generalist — and the leader of the expedition.

The landing went smoothly, and the atmosphere proved to be breathable. While waiting for the results of the microbe tests, Frank exclaimed, “Let’s celebrate!” as he proceeded to break out the bottle he had been saving for the event.

“Might as well approach the occasion with the proper spirit,” observed Bob. Bob was the comedian of the group. The other men had learned to tolerate his puns.

Later, outside the ship, Frank commented, “This place is just too good to be true!”

“Perhaps you’re right,” John replied ominously.

John directed his attention to Frank. “I’d like you to describe exactly what you see.”

Frank looked over the landscape as he replied. “Well, we are in a field of what appears to be grass. There’s a palm tree about twenty meters in that direction,” Frank raised his arm and pointed, “and a lake further back and to the right, and –”

“All right,” John interrupted and turned to Bob “and you?”

“The same,” said Bob, “and there’s a warm breeze blowing and the sun is shining and there’s a bird flying.” Bob pointed to the bird as it flew toward the tree.

“All right,” John said. “Either this is real or we’re all sharing the same fantasy. I’d like to try an experiment,” John continued as he unsnapped his equipment pack. He removed a small scale and put it on the table they had set up. He picked up a nearby stone and weighed it, blocking the view of the scale from the other men as he did so.

“Sixteen grams,” John said out loud. “I’d like you to check my measurement,” he continued, as he handed the stone to Frank.

The other two watched as Frank put the stone on the scale. “Exactly sixteen grams,” said Frank, as he turned toward John.

“I was afraid of that,” John said.

“But you said –”

“I know what I said,” John interrupted. He paused and addressed the others. “See if you can mentally lift the stone from the scale.”

Bob started to comply, but Frank exclaimed, “That’s impossible!”

“No, it isn’t,” John replied calmly, “When I weighed the stone, the scale actually indicated eighteen grams.”

As Frank and Bob concentrated, John encouraged, “Imagine the stone as light as a feather. See it floating in the air.”

The stone decreased in weight, slowly at first, then more rapidly, until it rose from the platform and remained suspended several centimeters above.

“Hey look — I can fly!” cried Bob, as he began to levitate.

“This is a serious situation!” John glared at Bob. We must be very careful about what we do and think,” John continued, as he shifted his gaze toward Frank.

“I’m sorry,” Bob said contritely, “I’ll try to maintain the proper gravity,” he continued, as he gently floated to the ground.

Frank, however, had other ideas. As he looked in the direction of the tree, he eagerly began his fantasy: tall, blonde, nice figure …

Out from behind the tree stepped a scantily clad woman of truly Amazonian proportions. As the men stood rooted to the spot, the woman slowly approached the startled men and faced Frank. “Hi handsome,” she said in a pleasant contralto voice.

Bob turned to Frank and chuckled, “Looks like the girl of your dreams!”

John somehow managed to keep his voice calm. “It seems that our very thoughts and wishes are somehow materialized on this planet. Perhaps this is a technological miracle developed by an advanced civilization, which may have outdone itself. In any case, we cannot be sure that anything we find here is not the product of our own mental creation.” John paused, then continued, “So far, we have been rather fortunate,” John looked at Frank, who had his hand on the woman’s shoulder, “but every Garden of Eden has its — oops! Cancel that.”

But the damage was done. Behind and to the right of the tree, the air shimmered and a fire-breathing dragon appeared.

“Quick, everyone!” John shouted, “Try to make it vanish.”

However, not thinking of the dragon proved to be a far more difficult task than the mental creation had been. Although the dragon shimmered briefly, it remained solid and approached the people, just as they feared it would.

“How about a dragon slayer?” suggested Bob.

“Yes!” Frank picked up the thought. “A knight in shining armor!”

Just then, a knight on a white horse appeared, riding toward the dragon. He drew a long sword and beheaded the monster. The slightly singed knight in not-so-shining armor then rode toward the woman and exclaimed loudly, “I’ll save you from these knaves, fair damsel!”

“Quick, somebody!” cried Frank, “Think of something!”

“How about a disarming remark?” Bob’s ability to pun went above and beyond the call of duty.

Just then, the sword vanished. The knight gave a startled look to where his sword had been and shouted “Wizards!” and beat a hasty retreat.

“The pun is mightier than the sword!” Bob observed triumphantly.

“Now let’s get out of here,” John commanded. No one argued.

As they were packing up to leave, Frank asked, “Can we take her along?”

“We’ll see,” John replied, “In any case, I’d like to give her a complete medical examination once we’re safely aboard the ship.

Bob was in a repentant mood. “I’ve learned my lesson. From now on I’ll be serious,” he stated, but couldn’t resist adding, “I’m one cured ham!”

“No!” the others shouted, but it was too late.

Bob had made a pig of himself!